Chip and I recently set a date for our wedding and we are so excited. On October 6, 2018, I am marrying the love of my life after 9 years (!) and it is going to be the best day ever. My size will not be a factor in how amazing that day is or how happy I am. Contrary to what diet culture will tell you, it does not matter.
I’m pretty sure Chip is going to marry me no matter what I look like, and I would rather not stress over my body for a year just so I can look a certain way for a 24 hour period. I want to look back on my wedding pictures and see the real me. I do not want to look back and remember being stressed and unhappy with my body. I do not want to spend one minute of my engagement worrying about how muscular or not my arms look, or one moment of my wedding day sucking it in because (gasp!) I have fat on my body. So no, I’m not “sweating for the wedding” or embarking on a crazy diet plan or focusing on my body more than I need to-which is not a lot because our bodies are very smart and don’t need to be micromanaged.
I’m not going to lie-some days it can be hard to stick to my values on this. How could it be easy? Bridal culture is all tangled up in diet culture. More about that in a minute. I’m sure that as that day gets closer, I may be tempted to just squeeze in one more workout here and there. I can recognize that feeling, trace where it comes from, and remind myself why I don’t need to do that. It’s not your fault if you feel that way, either.
It’s no secret that there is unbelievable pressure on women to drop weight for their wedding day. It’s total BS and it’s everywhere. It’s on Pinterest when I browse wedding décor. It’s in every bridal magazine I’ve looked at. Every time a celebrity has a wedding, we hear about their “bridal bootcamp” plan the next day. I did not see any size variety as I flipped through wedding magazines or looked for dress inspiration on Pinterest. It is NO WONDER we feel so stressed about our bodies as we think about our big day. Let’s discuss an ad I saw on Instagram last month. Before I do, I would like to say that Chip has not seen any ads targeting him to slim down or tone up for our wedding.
I was minding my own business, scrolling through Instagram when I saw the ad below. I have never had Halo Top and I don’t follow them on Instagram, but it popped up anyway. Boy was I relieved to find out that the food gods have approved Halo Top for wedding season because it is low in calories and sugar. Because to be ready for marriage, you need to worry about those things. Oh and don’t worry! “Wedding prep doesn’t have to be a drag” since Halo Top makes it all sweeter without all the WORRY and CALORIES!!!!!
So much rage. I shared the following response on Instagram stories, so I won’t go into my whole rant again.
We see this messaging every day. It is so frustrating and makes loving your body-even being okay with it-a radical idea. One simple step I took here was to hide the ad. Sometimes if I see diet-y things on my feed I’ll report them as inappropriate. I don’t need companies telling me how to take care (or not) of my body. I don’t know if it really does anything, but it makes me feel good. It infuriates me that food/diet companies and gyms take advantage of this exciting yet vulnerable time in a woman’s life.
I want to acknowledge that I can imagine this is a much harder stance to take if you are in a body that is not socially accepted right now. I was able to go into a wedding dress store, try on samples, and order my size at no additional cost. So many women are not afforded this privilege, which should not even be a privilege, because designers only make samples in a small range of sizes. It is so wrong. Many women are unable to really see what their wedding dress will look like when they purchase it. On top of that, they are often charged more than a smaller bride who orders the same dress. They don’t charge a size 10 more than a size 2, so why is this a thing? Every single body deserves to be respected. Every single bride deserves to feel beautiful and comfortable in whatever she wants to wear on her wedding day.
celebratory drinks and sliders after finding the dress
I am not here to shame anyone who did lose weight/diet/work out more for their wedding or is trying to. I cannot say what is right for you-I’m here to say that it would not be good for me. It would not be good for my health, which includes mental health. In order to pursue changing my body, I would have to eat less than what I need. I would have to exercise more than I enjoy. I would have to neglect caring for myself, and I’m just not going to do that. It would take a lot of my time and mental energy that could be better spent literally anywhere else. I would undoubtedly have a worse relationship with food, exercise, and my body, which I’ve worked so hard to improve.
I’m going to celebrate this time with my family and friends, and sometimes that will involve a champagne toast and a 2am run to Waffle House. That totally happened when we got engaged. I want to go get ice cream with my fiancé just because we want to, not because I budgeted my calories and could “afford” it. I want to go into marriage as my best self, and I know focusing on my body would not allow me to do that.
On October 6, 2018, I’m going to say “I do,” dance all night, eat cake, and drink mimosas because I think they are appropriate at all hours. I’m going to start a new chapter of my life with my husband (wow that still sounds weird). I’m showing up in whatever wedding bod I’ve got, and it will literally be the least important thing about that day.
The first couple weeks of my internship have been great. I’m getting used to a real adult work schedule and I’m enjoying having the evenings and weekends to myself instead of working on school.
I feel like I’m bursting with so many blog post ideas but just haven’t taken the time to type up my thoughts. I’ll get there. A lot of this inspiration comes from wonderful podcasts I’ve been listening to lately! I’ve professed my love for podcasts before and included some in my blog post about body positive resources, but I figured it’s time for an update since I’ve found some new ones. I’m including the repeats at the bottom for the sake of having all my favorites in one place.
I’ve mentioned this one in passing in another post, but I’ve listened to a lot lately and just love it. I had a 5 hour drive on Saturday and Julie kept me company for most of that time. The gist is this: listeners write in about their complicated relationship to food, in the form of a letter to food. Julie reads it, offers some of her wisdom and often calls other RD or therapist friends to lend their advice to the letter writer. In the end of the episode, food writes back-and signs it love, food. Ah it is just so good and refreshing. She is a dietitian, but also has a degree in counseling and you can tell. I feel like I’m in a wonderful therapy session when I listen.
I follow Jessie, the host, on Instagram but just started listening to her podcast recently. She is an RD and personal trainer living in Boston, and she’s all about helping you develop a healthier relationship with your body and food. Her first guests were the authors of Intuitive Eating, so I knew it was going to be right up my alley. I’ve only listened to a few of her episodes, but I’ve found them really helpful. It’s especially great for those times you are being hard on yourself/your body. It happens, and this podcast reminds me it’s okay to feel that way and work through it.
Heather is a Registered Dietitian and invites other RDs to come on and talk about their career, nutrition perspective, and recent nutrition studies or articles. She is intuitive eating oriented and so are many of her guests. As a nutrition student I enjoy hearing about all the different career paths out there, and I also enjoy Heather’s rapport with her guests. She seems easygoing, and I would totally go drink a margarita with her.
Ok, now I’ve provided you enough listening material for the year. I hope you find one (or more) of these helpful! Let me know if you do and we can start a podcast fan club 🙂
I had all intentions of posting Friday Favorites last week, but then school got really crazy. Our Maymester class ended on Monday and it was such a blur. I really enjoyed the material (public health nutrition) but it was a lot packed into 2.5 weeks! Now I’m out of the classroom until August 21. Hallelujah! For the next two months, I’ll be in my first Dietetic Internship-public health rotation. I moved home on Tuesday and today’s my first day!
To get the day kicked off on a fun note, here are some things I’ve been doing and loving over the past couple weeks.
Chip’s birthday was on Memorial Day, but we celebrated the next day since I was driving back to school. His ultimate favorite restaurant ever is Outback, but to my surprise he wanted to eat at Zinburger! I’ve shared about eating there before, I’m sure. We are pretty boring and tend to stick with the places we know we love. I’m trying to make us be more adventurous, but since we were both moving to our hometown for the summer we decided to hit up all our favorites that week.
Usually we both get the buffalo chicken sandwich, but I had just had that at another place two days before. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what I wanted, so I ordered three things 🙂 I got a large wedge salad, then ordered two “sharables” although I certainly didn’t share much mac and cheese. It had this crunchy stuff on top and was so good. Am I a food critic yet?
Shoutout to intuitive eating, though, because it is so nice to go to a restaurant, order whatever I want, eat how much I want, and enjoy every bite. In my body obsessed days I would have tried to figure out how many calories were in all of it, probably eat something unsatisfying then spend all night trying not to give into my hunger if it came up. Nowadays eating out is fun, not scary.
I might have mentioned this, but a few months ago school was giving out plants as part of some nutrition day celebration. I snagged a red bell pepper plant and then was like… wait I don’t have a yard why did I get this!? So I asked the Interwebs what I needed and then bought some plant supplies. Now I am SO close to having bell peppers! I think. There are 4 or 5 places where you can tell one is going to grow, so I’m just waiting for them to break through. I’ve never grown anything or kept any plant alive, so this is pretty exciting for me. If I’m successful, expect me to never shut up about it.
A couple weeks ago I found some green beans in my freezer. I made them and was very sad about how watery they were, so I bought some fresh ones and ended up making the best green beans ever. Ok, that’s a bold statement, but they are pretty good. I didn’t measure anything, and it depends on how much you are making and what you like, but here’s a general outline of how I make them.
I fill a pan with water to cover the bottom, then dump in enough green beans to cover the bottom of the pan. After they cook for 5-10 minutes, I drain the water and add butter and minced garlic and stir everything up. The best ones are the ones covered in garlic. I also add a few cranks of my favorite Trader Joe’s Everyday Seasoning grinder and some salt. I let that cook for 10-15 minutes and eat at least a handful while they cook 🙂 They are best right after cooking, but they heat up well too.
Although I’m going to miss living in Durham for the next two months, hanging with my parents all summer is going to be really nice. They have two little pups, and Livi is happy to have some buddies. Plus I have lots of family and Chip’s family here, too, so extra time with them is always appreciated. My parents and I have already established that Friday evenings will be for drinking wine on the porch. They have been cooking with Hello Fresh three times a week, so I’m excited to try it out.
And on that note, I’m signing off for the day! Have a great one.