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Daily Archives: May 3, 2017

Embracing Chaos and Uncertainty

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind. They have been mostly amazing, but we had a scare with Livi I’ll discuss in a minute. In addition, I’m in the middle of finals and life is just.. crazy. I’m trying to slow down and enjoy the present, but it can be challenging. Chaos and uncertainty are definitely not two things I would like more of in my life, but I’m learning to embrace it.

The best ice cream from my fav place at the beach.

So yeah, we got engaged April 21 which was amazing, as I’ve told you ūüôā Last¬†weekend we went to the beach with my family, my grandma (Hi, Sasa!), and Livi. We had the best time and ate some wonderful food. The weather was perfect-warm on the beach, but not unbearably hot. Between my sister and me, there was plenty of wedding talk and we are just having so much fun in this season in life. She gets married September 30th and I am so excited!

We came home Sunday and on Monday night, our sweet Livi had a seizure. She is two years old and has never had one before, and let me tell you it was the most terrifying few minutes of my life. Maybe it sounds silly, but she really is like my child ha. I’m so glad Chip was with me because I was a complete wreck.

Livi was laying beside¬†Chip and started twitching badly. Sometimes she twitches in her sleep, but it seemed more severe. We sat her up¬†and she kept falling over, so we immediately rushed out to the car and looked for the closest emergency animal hospital (it was like 9:30pm). It was in Raleigh, about a 25 minute drive. While I was on the phone with the woman at the vet, she began seizing badly for about 10-20. Chip is sitting beside me right now saying it was more like 5 seconds, but it felt longer. Her legs were outstretched, and she wasn’t foaming at the mouth or anything, but she was super tense and shaking. I completely panicked and threw her at Chip, who was driving. I am really good at functioning under pressure.

Right after it happened, she threw up alllllll over Chip. Poor guy. After that, she was completely¬†fine which we are so thankful for. The vet said it sounded¬†like a seizure, maybe even a partial seizure, since she was coherent and it didn’t last too long. The whole episode lasted about 5 minutes. We decided the best option was to leave her overnight for bloodwork and seizure watch. On Tuesday morning, we were told she did great overnight but she did have one mildly elevated lab value for liver function after they fed her. I¬†have an appointment with her regular vet on Monday to discuss it all and decide¬†whether or not to order an ultrasound or other tests to rule out a liver shunt. It could be a mild one, or it could be nothing at all. She could have another seizure tomorrow and every month for the rest of her life, or she could go her whole life without having another.

Like most people, I like to have a plan and I like to know what to expect in general. Well, that’s not the case here. I’m doing my best to focus on the present-why use the time I have now to worry about the future and something that I have no control over? All¬†any of us have is this moment so I’m doing my best to stay in it. Livi¬†has been her usual spunky self all week, which has helped me not be so anxious. If she has another seizure, we will do everything we can to figure out why, if possible, or start her on meds if necessary. That’s all we can do!

If anyone can rock a half shaved leg, it’s Livi.

Ok, sorry, I know this is not a dog seizure blog.¬†But it is a big deal to me and is causing me some stress, which is timely because it’s finals week ūüôā I’ve already had one take home final and one presentation, but I have an exam¬†on Friday and my last one on Tuesday. Then we get about a week break and start a Maymester course, but I’m living in denial about that right now. That’s another reason I struggle to stay in the present; in our grad program I feel like I’m constantly looking ahead to the next thing. The next test, next semester, next internship.. it can get overwhelming. I’m going to do my best to focus on being present, and might even start listening to some of my old favorite mindfulness YouTube videos I turned to when my anxiety was worse. If you have any great mindfulness resources, do share!

On a happy note… we are going home to tour a nearby wedding venue this weekend! We have another scheduled for next week, too. I know it’s early, but since we are both in grad school we want to plan what we can now so it’s not as stressful later.¬†In the midst of all of this, I’m learning to embrace the chaos. Well, I already did that before -we all lead busy lives!- but it’s really true right now.

I’m learning that I won’t always get it all done, and I may not be able to give my best in every situation. When things happen, whether they’re exciting like getting engaged or terrifying like a health scare for a person or pet, to-do lists go out of the window. I know in a week this portion of school will be over and I’ll have a short break. I may not get an A on every final, but that’s OK. I’m doing my best, and sometimes that means not doing my best on every single thing. If I need to take time for myself, that’s not selfish. In fact, I’m thinking about going for a run and to get my nails done this morning.¬†The run will help me connect with myself and feel some good endorphins, and getting my nails done will just be nice. Both will help me reduce stress, so I’m going to make it happen.

I know I’m rambling a lot, but it’s almost like therapy for me to come here and spill my thoughts. I’ll check back in soon on the other side of finals and share if I’m successful at staying in the present moment. Wish me luck, and I hope you are having a fantastic week!